The Boss......

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini vanwith two flat tires.'

Dinner with girlfriend

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
"Hello, could you give me condom.
I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out;
he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too.

She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and
I think I might strike it lucky there too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and
as the boy is leaving he turns back and says,
"Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and
when she sees me she always makes eyes,
and since she invited me for dinner,
I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left,
the sister on his right and the mum facing him.

When the dad gets there,
the boy lowers his head and starts praying,
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us".
A minute later the boy is still praying;

"Thank you Lord for your kindness."

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.
The others look at each other surprised and
his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others.
She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious."

The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"

來一點英文的輕鬆對話

Losing all your friends
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend and kills him.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."


Importance of a period
Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"

Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."


Anger management
Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"

Wife: "I clean the toilet."

Husband: "How does that help?"

Wife: "I use your toothbrush."

自由女神

若干年前,大陸一位老兄到紐約公幹，工作之餘，也打算休息休息，看看風景名勝，為此他查了大量的資料，做了充分的準備，眾多名勝之一，就有自由女神像(Statue ofLiberty)，為了確保能夠到達仰慕已久的地方，他甚至把負責自由女神像參觀的聯繫電話都找到：666-2613，於是，他就租輛車出發了。下面是他和出租司機的對話。

Driver: " Where do you want to go, sir?"
Mr. D: " FREE Woman, Do you know where I can find Free Woman?"
Driver: " What? :-O Hey man, here is America, nothing is free !!!"
Mr. D: " Oh, how comes. I read it from yellow page. See, here is the phonenumber, sex-sex-sex-two-sex-one-free."